Tuesday, March 8, 2011

same kind of different as me.

today i met a man who changed my life without him even knowing it. of course it was the Lord who used his story to change my life. but it was still a huge blessing to meet him.

3 years ago i had back surgery. and my friends and family were so nice to bring me gifts like magazines, books, dvds to read/watch while i was hanging on the couch. steph west gave me same kind of different as me. and i didn't pick it up until about a month or two later when i was headed to london and paris. i finished that book in one night, bawling my eyes out in a paris hotel room. if you haven't read it yet, it's my number one recommendation.

i had found myself in a season of self-pity and confusion. (what's new?) my heart was so stirred in my affections for Jesus and stirred to action. not long after our trip i began serving at the stewpot and was able to go spend some time on skid row in LA. i quickly realized two things: the gospel is for all people and nations. not just trendy white kids in v-necks and toms who listen to indie music. and no matter where you go - beverly hills or south oak cliff - people are hateful, greedy, and hurting. and need the redeeming love of Jesus to transform their hearts.

today, ron hall, the author of same kind of different as me, walked into our flower shop for an appointment i had no idea about. he said his name and i flipped out. and then almost cried. and tried to quickly pull myself together. the author of my favorite book was standing right before me. and not just a book, but an incredible story. that actually happened. that began a chain reaction of events. that impacted my life in an incredible way.

i felt so affirmed today after i was able to talk to ron (mr. hall? ron hall? what do i call him? i feel like we're friends now). like the Lord was reminding me of my part in the kingdom. to serve the homeless. and really to just love people and make myself available.

i find it so difficult to put into words how my heart changed after reading that book. like, i just can't tell you how much that story means to me. and i can't help but think how good the Lord is. how truly perfect his timing is. and how great his love for us is. that a back surgery would result in a book that would lead to life change. our God truly is indescribable. i am so grateful.

done.

i'm done with tumblr. no comments? how will i become a big blogger with no comments.

i'm back, blogspot.

faithful.

one humbling truth i’ve learned (over and over… and over) is that when i am not faithful, the Lord is. over the past several months i’ve had so much bitterness and anger. why flower mound? why did i leave my job at the stewpot? why did i move further away from my friends? i just felt confused. and a little bit lost. never confused about jesse, though. he was a gift - and of that i was sure. 
through the steps program at church, hard conversations with friends, and some good ole’ conviction of the Holy Spirit, the Lord has opened my eyes even more to the nasty state of my heart. i am never content. though i know it’s not true, i think my plan is always better. i just refuse to acknowledge everything good that is surrounding me. 
up until a few weeks ago i was riding a roller coaster of “okay”. one week i would be fine living in flower mound. the next week i would throw a fit wanting to be in dallas again. for several months i have been on this ride. i was able to have dinner with a few friends from college over valentine’s day weekend. we kept talking about my “situation” - like it was something horrible. and on the drive home, it finally hit me. i’m an idiot. i am doubting God’s sovereignty. and i’m making everything about me. of course this town isn’t my first choice, but it’s home. arkadelphia wasn’t my first choice, but by the time i graduated from obu, it became the sweetest place in the world to me. so basically, God knows what i need. when i need it. and apparently flower mound is it. maybe just for now. maybe until we get really old, have 8 million grandbabies and die. either way, the Lord knows. 
i have a full time job! the flower shop gig was technically full-time, but jesse and i both knew that it was only temporary. last week my friend, jean, called from the stewpot and said there was a position open. my heart has been so sad that i ever left, even though at the time i really felt like i was making the right step. anyway, after talking, praying, seeking council, i accepted the position of administrative coordinator for the stewpot. i start march 14th. it’s still in dallas, but i’ll be able to work early and get off early. i am so eager to be back. jesse and i have talked and feel so great about the flexibility this job will afford us. no more getting home at 7pm. and we can start planning (in the distant future) for some babies. 
yesterday i had a diagnostic test run on my back. i was put under some anesthesia, and the dr. injected something (i dont remember what) into my back around where the screws are. if the pain and inflammation go away, i can have another surgery to remove them. praise the Lord. every time i go to the back dr. i am so amazed that they know how to do what they know how to do.